The disciples stories
by sassyfriend
Summary: The disciples in their own words tell of how they felt when Jesus died and of a few other special occasians
1. Simon's pov

We followed Peter up the steps to the upper room. Our comrade stopped in front of the door, just standing there. "Peter?" his brother Andrew asked. John's brother James opened the door, but Peter still stood there like he was frozen. Thomas gently put his arm around our friend and our companion leaned against him.

"We need to go in. It's not safe standing out here like this," John said kindly and I agreed. "The Romans are sure to come."

Peter suddenly seemed to find his feet and we followed him inside. Philip locked and bolted the door behind us as Matthew followed Peter to the table and the older man pulled out a chair for our friend. I went to them and put my arms on Peter's shoulders. He was shivering. The rest came to us and sat at the table, but a few of us remained standing.

Bartholomew glanced at me. "I can't believe Jesus is really dead..." I agreed totally. Peter placed his face into his hands. John touched his arm in question.

"Yes," Peter whispered. "Go ahead and lock the windows too." Thomas did as Peter said and then came back to the table again. "Andrew, brother..." Our friend stopped speaking and wiped at his eyes with his shirt sleeve.

Andrew smiled sadly. "I know."

James the less and Thaddeus hugged each other tightly. I squeezed our friend's shoulders and he sniffled. Bartholomew's eyes were as wet as everyone else's in the room. "We will get through this somehow, Peter," he promised softly.

Matthew added, "Remember that He is still in our hearts, my friend." Thomas was hiding the fact that he wanted to cry too, but I could see him biting his lip as his eyes swam. James sniffled and his brother put his arms around him.

Peter's shoulders were shaking violently as James the less rubbed his shoulder in comfort. "It's alright to cry," The little guy whispered as I leaned in closer to comfort both of them. Andrew wore a sad smile, but tears were running down his cheeks, James wept and buried his face on his brother's chest as John rubbed his back.

"Why did he have to die?!" Peter wailed helplessly and tears landed onto the table and started soaking into the wood.

Bartholomew sighed shaking his head. "Peter, you couldn't have saved him either."

"Jesus warned us this would happen," Philip replied, and our friend only wept all the harder.

"I denied him three times!" After that our friend said nothing more. The rest of us looked at each other in stunned silence for a moment.

"You were scared, Peter...just like the rest of us," I spoke up.

"I was scared of getting killed..." Peter whispered. Thomas sat in the empty chair by Peter and touched his arm.

"I know it isn't going to help you, but Jesus warned all of us about letting him down..." The tears he had tried to hide fell down his cheeks. "Peter, if it helps you any, we all let him down in some way." Peter pulled him close he could hear the guilt in our friend's voice.  
John sighed. "I'm just happy you didn't witness all they did to Jesus. You wouldn't have wanted too."

I wiped my eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

John shook his head. "No, right now it's best that I don't." Peter sighed and calmed. "We need to eat. Would you help me?"

Andrew got up from the table. "Of course we will, brother." We followed them to the kitchen and got the things we needed. Thomas sat plates out for us as well as bowls and cups. I put wood into the stove and tossed a match and then closed the door. Matthew hummed as he got the lamb meat ready and put it into the oven.

We also put fresh fruit and veggies on the table and then after a couple of hours everything was ready. I filled the glasses with sweet juice. As we ate, we were silent for a time. There was so much we wanted to share with each other but none of us knew where to begin or how.

"I miss Jesus so much!" James the less whispered. "We all do, my friend." I said. James bowed his head and Thomas gently put a hand on his shoulder.

"This is so hard!" James admitted.

Philip sat his plum onto his plate. "James, where did you go after he was arrested?" James blushed. "I hid in a tree because I didn't know what else to do."

Andrew blinked hard. "I ran to a friend's house with James the less."

"He had the power to stop them from taking him," Thomas choked out. "Why didn't He use it?" "I don't understand either," James the Less whispered as he gathered our empty plates.

"I'll do those," Peter whispered gently, taking the plates from him.

"We will all help," we volunteered.

"Thank you." We continued talking about all the things that were on our minds. "All those miracles He did where so breathtaking!" Andrew said. "I really loved the one where he turned the water into wine!"

We all smiled sadly. "And how about when Lazarus was raised to life?" I said, and then I stopped speaking.

"That was just a week ago it seems like." Philip said. I nodded, feeling my eyes beginning to water. John softly put his arm around me and I burried my face onto his shoulder, shaking.

" I loved him so much..." The shock of what had happened just hit me so hard. " Jesus was innocent! Why did they have to kill him?"

" I don't have an answer..." John whispered. I suddenly just felt so tired and just clung to him.

For some reason I ended up waking up again and noticed John was still sitting beside me. " John?, are you awake?"

He startled then turned looking at me smiling sadly.

" Yeah. Sorry I did that. Was just thinking about Jesus." He said.

I sighed. " Think i'm going to bed." I replied as I stood up and John followed suit.

We both went to our blankets and fell asleep.

The end


	2. John's pov

I found Peter sobbing behind a huge boulder as I was walking down Calvary's hill. I was a bit alarmed to see him. Peter had mud covering his clothes and he was milky white in the face. I was speechless for a moment as I kneeled in front of him laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. Heartbroken sadness churned in my stomache as I stroked his hair with my other hand.

"We're getting ready to bury Jesus. Would you like to be with us?"

My friend nodded and I silently helped him to his feet after I stood up. We made our way slowly to where Joseph, Nickademus and the women stood then they carried Jesus to Joseph's tomb. They lowered Jesus to the ground and washed the blood off of him as we watched. Peter erupted into loud sobs and ran to Jesus flinging himself onto our Messiah burying his face onto Jesus' chest. I kneeled beside my friend and wrapped my arms around him.

"Oh Peter..." I whispered.

He turned concealing his face on my arm. Peter was inconsolable and I was scared to death for him. Slowly Peter stood up as Joseph touched our shoulders. Then he, Nickodemus and the women wrapped Jesus in grave clothes and carried him into the tomb. My friend clung to me as they rolled a boulder in front of the tomb and then they all left leaving me and Peter alone.

Peter apologized to me for his outburst and walked up to the tomb. When he got there he leaned his forehead onto the tomb. I stepped up to my friend and tenderly rubbed his back.

"Peter, maybe we should go find our friends?" I whispered.

Peter sighed and nodded lifting his head he glanced at me tiredly. We walked together away from Calvary and the tomb.

When we arrived at the upper room I knocked on the door. Andrew opened the door and was dismayed by our bedragged apperence. He gently led us into the room as my brother, James closed and bolted the door behind us. Our friends gathered round us and I explained what happened to Jesus.

"Please tell..us...it's a...sick...joke...,John!" Andrew choked out.

"It's...not.." I replyed as ,my voice cracked.

Andrew swallowed hard and hugged me. Phillip dropped his face into his hands as Matthew hugged him tightly. Thaddeus screamed in disbelief as Bartholomew gripped his hands in comfort. Thomas just seemed to black out as he dropped to the floor. James the less let out an agonized wail as my brother James hugged him tightly. Peter had lapsed into silence as he stared at the wall.

"I'm so...sorry...you guys..." I suddenly felt a light headedness come over me and gasped as I swayed then dropped to the floor.

I sighed thickly as my brother turned and saw me on the floor.

"Brother?!" James put his hand on my shoulder.

I sagged against him closing my eyes.

"I can't...believe...he's dead!" My voice muffled by the soft texture of my brother's shirt. I felt him wrap his arms around me as tears cascaded down my cheeks.

My brother held me close as he wept as well.

"Peter, what are we gonna do?" Andrew asked.

Peter stayed silent. I looked up to see Peter still staring at the wall. I was alarmed by this usually our friend was the first one to speak up about something no matter what it was but now he said nothing. It struck me as odd but then I thought about what happened between him and Jesus.

 _Peter must really be hurting for him to not be saying anything._

Suddenly he turned and looked me dead in the eyes in that moment I saw all the vulnerabitly and pain he felt. Our other friends must've seen it too because his brother Andrew went up and wrapped him in a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry, Peter..." He whispered. "Do you need to sit down?"

Peter nodded and his brother lead him to the table and we all followed. Our friend collespsed onto the chair Jesus had used last night. The rest of us sat at the table as well.

"I'm so scared..." Peter's voice wobbled and Thomas laced his fingers around Peter's.

"We're all scared, Peter." He said. "Jesus was our..best...friend.."

Peter nodded in agreement. Thaddeus started singing a song and I remembered it as a song Jesus had loved to sing to us many nights. James the less cuddled against Thaddeus closing his eyes.

Silent tears ran down our cheeks as we began to join in the song. Simon buried his face into his hands as Bartholomew hugged him tightly. I glanced over at my brother, James and he looked at me as he shuddered. Fatigue suddenly filled me as Thaddeus began another song. I laid my head upon my arms on the table.

"Are you feeling ok?" Phillip asked me concerned.

I shook my head. "Really tired."

"Me too." He replied

I closed my eyes as he rubbed circles on my back.

"It won't be the same without our best friend.." I whispered.

Phillip sighed heavily as he continued to rub my back. The last thing I was aware of was Thaddeus singing yet another song then nothing.

Suddenly I woke up in the middle of the night and didn't understand why. I glanced around and noticed two empty blankets one was Jesus' and the other one was my brother's. I got up and started looking for James. It didn't take long to track down my brother as he was standing by the window.

"James?" I asked. "Did you sleep at all?"

My brother shuddered like he had at the table that evening. I silently stood beside him as I looked out the window with him.

"I can't sleep." He whimpered as he shuddered again.

I put my arm around him. "Are you cold?" I asked.

"Inside and out. He admitted. "Too much shock."

I nodded I understood all too well what my brother meant.

"I miss...Je..." James' voice broke and I pulled him against me gently.

"I miss Jesus too." I felt my brother sob hard as he buried his face on my side his arms tightend around me.

"Why...John...Why...did...he let...them...kill...him?!"

I didn't say anything just holding him close.

"I love...you, James!" I wept.

"I love...you...too!"

I stroked his hair.

"I just..." James shook his head.

"You just want him back..." I answered.

James sobbed even harder. "I...loved him...so...much, John!"

I sighed as tears rolled down my cheeks. "So did...I...Everybody in...this room...did..."

James lifted his head to look at me in the eyes. "What about...Judas...?"

"I don't..have an answer...to that..."

James leaned his head against me again after a few moments we hugged each other and then we both went to our blankets.

The End


	3. Bartholomew's pov

I stared at the far wall the news our friend John had shared with us shocked me to the core. We had all just learned from John that Jesus had been killed. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head to see Matthew standing beside me.

"Matthew?" I asked.

I could see his face had lost its color he just stared into my eyes not saying a thing. I sighed sadly and for a moment he almost looked as if he was about to say something but then he just shook his head and walked shakily away from me to the table. I watched as he sank onto a chair at the table and just totally lose it.

I felt like I had been punched in the stomache as I watched all my other friends reacting to the news. James, John's brother and Peter collapsed upon one another in tears. Andrew, Peter's brother was at the window just staring out at the storm as he took in the news his body shaking. Phillip was holding Simon up so he wouldn't faint. Thaddeus was hugging James the less and Thomas tightly and John poor John was just standing there in the middle of it all his face white and looking for all the world like he wanted to die too.

I slowly walked up to John and put my arms around him in a tight hug. He threw his arms around me, buried his face on my shoulder and bawled. In that moment I started bawling with him. I didn't know what else to do.

"I'm...so sorry...John! I'm...so...sorry!" I just sobbed over and over again.

I felt his fingers running through my hair as we sobbed together. I don't know how long we stood there like that just trying to comfort each other. Eventally we all went to the table and sat down just trying to process what had happened.

Matthew glanced up at us as we sat down his face was wet with tears and still very white. Andrew gripped his hand into his. Our friend sighed softly as he closed his eyes again. "I can't...believe this...happened!" He choked out.

"None of us can.." Andrew whispered "And...I really...don't..." Sobs poured out of his mouth. "want to...believe...it...I...I...don't!"

Matthew pulled him close.

"Jesus was...our messiah...our best...friend!" James wailed hitting the table with a fist.

We gasped and James looked down at his hands. "I'm...sorry..."

Thaddeus sighed and shook his head. "James, it's ok. We're all really...upset about him dying..."

Our friend covered his face with his hands as John touched his brother's neck softly. Peter quietly prayed as he cried as well. He was begging for Jesus not to be dead and to come back to us. Slowly our friend laid his head on the table as he closed his eyes exhaustion was written all over his face and body.

"I...denied...him." Peter admitted to us.

Andrew sighed when our friend told us that. "I'm sorry, bud."

Peter nodded in silence.

"I miss him." I whispered.

"We all do." Thaddeus replied.

Phillip smiled sadly. "Remember he used to sing songs to us?"

I nodded. "Jesus had a wonderful voice."

Matthew looked up and began singing softly and we all smiled sadly and joined in the song

The End


End file.
